Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
