oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
