Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
