You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize