We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
