i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
