i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
