Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
