I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
