Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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