just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
