Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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