too bad you live with your parents still
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
