she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
