wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
