I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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