i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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