Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
