question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
