i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my sisters under your porch take her home
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
