Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You took a bar mat shot.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
