New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
