i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
