What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
