oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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