a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
