That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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