i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
