Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
