Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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