Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
