"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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