It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize