so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
