Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dignity is for republicans.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
