bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
