How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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