it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
