I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
