Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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