I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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