yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
