If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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