i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
