just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
