I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
