There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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