I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
