i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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