the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
