PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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